(c) Taryndipity Ink. Powered by Blogger.

8 Ways to Love Your Wife After She Loses Her Mother

I'm going to brag about my amazing husband. From the very second I got the phone call from my sister to come to the hospital, he sprung into action. He insisted on driving there, he held my hand in the hospital and wiped my tears in my most fearful moments. He caught me when I lost all control of my legs as soon as I entered to ICU waiting room to tell my family that Mom was gone. 

His never ending support didn't stop that day. He handles my hysterics and illogical thinking with a part of him I never knew existed. He told me in the beginning of this horrific journey that he didn't know how to help me... that he didn't know what to do.

I beg to differ.

He seemed to figure it out pretty quickly!

If you find yourself facing the broken mess that is your wife, I hope this helps. 

It sounds crazy. When someone cries in front of you, your first instinct is to soothe their emotions and stop the tears. 


Crying is the best way to let pent up emotions out. It's going to happen a lot. Some things just can't be controlled. Let it happen and be there when she's done with tissues. 

You're going to feel helpless. She feels hopeless. It's a tough loss to bear. Hugging increases oxytocin and can help reduce anxiety. 

When you're young, the only thing that eased your pain was a hug from Mom. She doesn't have that anymore - you're the next best thing. 

She could be standing in the grocery story buying ingredients for Thanksgiving dinner & have a meltdown because her Mom won't be there. 

It could be that she sees something that reminds her of her mother and the sheer surprise of that moment leads to a meltdown. 

You could walk into a room with just her in it and find her talking out loud. Don't look at her like a crazy person. Accept the fact that she may be talking out loud because the person she wants to talk to is there in spirit. 

Whatever you do, don't judge her. It's hard to let your raw emotions show to anyone. Let alone your spouse - no matter how long you've been together. It takes trust and a level of comfort that you don't know you need until you need it.

It's common sense, but it's a necessary suggestion. If she wants to hash out the illogical side of what could have been done differently, listen. She will eventually realize that no matter how many questions she asks, it's not going to change anything. It's just necessary for her to get it off of her chest.

There will be decisions that have to be made. She may need to make those decisions on her own. She's going to have to go through her mothers things, which is going to be almost as hard as losing her to begin with. 

It's going to be rough, and there's going to be some family drama. Your instinct is going to be to step in and defend her, which is good. But wait until she needs it. She's just discovered a strength she didn't know she had, and she's going to use it. 

There is no time line for grief. It could be weeks, months or even years before she feels as though she can live her life with some normalcy. Just make sure she doesn't skip on celebrating the little moments just because her mother isn't there. She's going to want to skip her birthday, Mother's Day or even Christmas because the thought of celebrating those days without her mother inflicts a huge amount of pain. Don't let her. She will regret it if you do. Let her do it in her own way; the way that works the best for her.

She will want to be alone with her thoughts. Whether she wants to reflect on things or just sit in silence, if that's what she needs, so be it. A lot can be solved with a little peace and quiet. 

You tell her daily, but she's going to need to hear it a lot more now. Especially when she's having a bad day. The reassurance of your love and never ending support is going to be helpful on her journey to healing. 

You're heading down a road that is going to be tough. You're going to argue and feel completely helpless.

But trust me, she feels the same way.

That's the beauty of marriage. You're partners no matter the journey.